Party like the uninteresting bitch that you are...

I am thoroughly sick of hearing people describe themselves as "rock stars". This was cute and fun when the Shop Boys started it last summer with the fun-if-you're-not-paying-attention Party Like A Rock Star. Everyone had fun, no one was seriously injured.

But now you've got people describing themselves as "rock stars" ad nauseum. At work, every time there is a drinking function, you've got massive throngs of men and women who all look exactly the same, saying the exact same fucking things "Oh yeah, we've been partying really hard, you know us, we're rock stars, we've gotta party like rock stars" et fucking cetera.

Guess what, frat boys and sorority sisters? You're not rock stars, you are uninteresting drunk retards. You partied like a rock star, huh? Did you fuck someone with a mud shark? Did you snort a half ounce of cocaine of a random person's genitals, then spit in their face and down a fifth of scotch? No? That's okay, rock stars don't party that hard these days anyway, but let me ask you this: Are you in a band, a musician, or in any way involved with music? No? Well then...

YOU ARE NOT A FUCKING ROCK STAR, YOU ARE A CIVILIAN. DEAL WITH IT.

I am super sorry that figuring out 4 chords on an electric guitar (let alone plucking out a rhythm on a bass) was too hard for you, but if you can't do that, you are not even in the running to be a rock star. Why don't you try to be yourself? Is that hard? To be a hard partying accountant? "Yeah, you know me man, I've gotta party like a CPA." Or: "You know me, I love the booze and crystal meth. I've gotta party like fuckin' (fill in name). You know.. me." No, because people aren't comfortable with being themselves. Not now, not then, not ever. Civilians feel the need to co-opt themselves onto whatever strong image they can find, rather than being strong themselves.

Also, I should note that rappers, electronic musicians, DJs, and the like obviously get to refer to themselves as rock stars. Just because they are not traditional musicians does not mean that they are not "rock stars". Rapping is hard, anyone who says otherwise is an idiot asshole who has never tried. It takes discipline and practice to be a rapper, a DJ, produce hip-hop beats or electronic music of any kind. Again, anyone who says otherwise has a marginal IQ and has never tried it for themselves.