FUCK YOU, YOU HEARTLESS HEATHENS!

I guess it's confession time.

I am a closet Republican.

At this point, that's tantamount to being an open puppy-raper. But hear me out.

Republicans are the party of small government, freedom protecting, constitution loving individualists.

In theory.

In practice, Republicans are robber-baron slime merchants. Just like Democrats. If Republicans actually stood for the values they so loudly claim to adhere to, it would be hard to find an individual with half a brain who wasn't part of their party ranks. But, of course, the only time the new Republican Party starts talking about small government and individual freedom is when someone proposes legislation that doesn't support their robber-baron slime merchant religious fundamentalist corporate sponsors. When it comes to gay marriage and the phony drug war, Republicans want nothing more than to cram themselves right up your asshole and monitor your every move. But when it comes to setting up government sponsored health-care and helping out working-class families, these worthless, overstuffed cunts can't choke out the words "individual freedom" or "small government" fast enough.
And that's why I support the Democrats (although, to be fair, I would be an Obama supporter no matter what. For all the bullshit rhetoric floating around the punditsphere these days, that guy gets it). Because both parties want to invade your homes and tell you how to live your lives; at least the Democrats will help out people in need rather than telling them to go get fucked.
Republicans have allowed themselves to be controlled by christian fundamentalists and in doing so have barred rational individuals from being able to be involved with them. Michael Steele, despite all the crazy, might be a step in the right direction (no pun intended). He has recently gone on record as saying abortion is an individual choice (it is), and that homosexuality is not a choice (it isn't), and all but condemning Rush Limbaugh as a fucking worthless, blowhard, uninformed motherfucker (he is). For this, of course, the worthless, sanctimonious twats of the religious right have loudly condemned Steele, and there's talk of a vote of no confidence being directed towards him. What a fucking shame. If this kind of individuality and non-religious rationality was allowed in the GOP, maybe they wouldn't be promoting Bobby "let's talk to Americans like they're fucking five and by the way did I mention I am an exorcist" Jindal or Sarah "my family is living proof that the bullshit I preach just doesn't work" Palin as the new faces of the Republican Party.

But then, that's just the rantings of the closet wing of the Republican Party. And I don't mean the Log Cabin Republicans, either.